I never thought I would lose you so soon.
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Thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank for being like a father figure to not only myself but to my brother and my cousins. I wish I told you sooner but here we are. I also want you to know that I love you.
I regret not being there an hour sooner. Only an hour that I missed you before you took your last breath. I saw that you fought right till the end. But I am happy that you are no longer in pain. Although you fought for only a month, you fought courageously.
I remember finding out the news and leaving work as soon as possible to go see you with the family. I remember walking into the room with my aunt and mother sitting down on the couch. You asking how everyone was, if everyone ate. You walked around the room as if nothing happened. The next thing I know I'm outside crying on the porch cause I didn't know how to handle it. Moments when I feel like I start to lose someone to the wretched reaper himself, why? Why him? He has one of the biggest and kindest hearts I know. He's never judgmental. He's supportive and loving. I didn't want to cry around him because I couldn't imagine what it's like for him facing this. I felt like I would make him feel worse. I get back inside, my aunt and mother went upstairs to see his wife. So it's just me, him, and my other aunt. I sit back on the couch and he walks over to me and he tells me to eat and I just burst into tears and I hold onto him. I don't think I've ever held onto somebody for so long and hard like I did to Tito Eric. I never wanted to let him go. I felt like the harder I held him, the more time he would get. I don't know. Then all he tells me, is that it's okay. And it breaks me apart even more. Because it's not okay. It sucks. It fucking sucks. Wanting somebody to stay but you have no control over it.
Eventually the Cancer spread too fast for him and he took his last breath on November 9th.
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The aftermath of losing someone doesn't just come in moments, it comes in waves. Some days you're fine and then there's other days where it completely consumes you and you're drowning.
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Miss you ♡ ESM
