I've reached a point in my life where I thought I knew I was heading the right direction. That I knew where I was going, to be a point in my life and career and be happy. But honestly, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING. And that's okay.
I still have my journals that I wrote when I was younger and I remember writing out a list of goals I wanted to accomplish, these were the main things:
- Graduate College
- Get a Job
- Buy a Dog
Those three things were main priority at the time. Which at this moment I have accomplished all three. But the last thing I SHOULD have wrote on that list, the most important goal was "Be Happy".
Certain pivotal moments this year affected my choices and decisions. For one, I'm proud of myself for being find the strength to be the old me. Because of where I was before, I am strong enough to love again. Because in leaving, I learned how strong I was. Because in leaving, I was able to love me again.
Another pivotal moment was finding out a loved one had been diagnosed with cancer. My heart broke. When someone so kindhearted can be cursed ... it tore me up in the inside. Speaking to both him and his wife it opened my eyes even more to be thankful with the health and life that I have right now. They asked me how I was doing and what was and has happened in my life so far this year. And for the advice given to me, it rings through my head over and over again every minute:
"Don't stress yourself out. If it makes you unhappy, it's not worth it. Let it go and find something that does make you happy. Enjoy what you've got."
I don't know if it's because of the way I looked at him that made those words sink even more. If I could give a lung I would. But the world just doesn't work that way.
------
Honestly, even though I don't know what I'm doing. I do know that I am a lot happier. It's a work in progress. But if I'm comparing where I was before and where I am now, I am way happier.
